This Newspaper Boys’ Top 10

I have always loved a good top 10 list. It’s probably the only thing I could stand on the David Letterman Show. At our church we even have an elder who is famous (or infamous if you ask his kids) for his top 10 lists. So, here is my top 10 list for the things I have learned over the past 7 weeks of delivering the paper.

10) I Feel the Need for Speed. Man I love going fast down those residential streets, well I just like going fast period.

9) There is no NASCAR circuit for newspaper route drivers. Much to my dismay I will always be on the local streets of the Santa Clarita Valley and I will never get to feel the experience driving on a professional track.

8) I am going to hit a rabbit. Those stinkin’ rabbits! I know during the day they are all conspiring against me. They talk about the Honda Accord that comes speeding around the corner early in the morning and disrupts whatever they are doing. I figure they just haven’t picked the Kamikaze rabbit yet.

7) Suzi has a strong right arm. Man she scares me. When she is throwing that hulking Sunday paper and I see those biceps and triceps flex…… all I can say is Wow! And don’t hit me.

6) The importance of sleep. I used to take for granted the time I had watching the inside of my eyelids, but now I value that time. I value that time as if it were a cup of highly caffeinated coffee.

5) The importance of coffee in the morning…… ok anytime. Now that I work within the realms of 4-5 hours of sleep a day I understand that nothing can replace my coffee early in the morning, in the afternoon and at night. All I can say is Java!

4) I am not the coffee snob that I once thought I was and was accused of. Yes folks I have deviated from my Peet’s or Starbuchs only stance. I now drink the sludge that is in our office in the morning. It doesn’t taste very good, but it has an active ingredient my body needs right now……… caffeine.

3) The passage in scripture about “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection” (1Cor. 9:27) brings on a whole new meaning. When you lack sleep and have to study for an upcoming bible study lesson or even in doing your own private quite times you have to train your body to stay awake. This can be difficult……… so when all else fails help your body by giving it coffee. P.S. yes I know this verse does not directly talk about delivering newspapers.

2) My wife and I are the funniest duo since Ricky and Lucy, well we probably look more like Burns and Allen. Yes Suzi and I crack each other up at least. The things we do at 3:00 am could make up a sitcom or at least a blog. Say goodnight Suzi!

1) My wife is my best friend. She is the best wife in the world. When I decided to take on this crazy task, she was right there with me. When I ground here from going out on the route because she is too tired, she is actually sad. She is the best papergirl I know. Honey you are a Godly woman for enduring the craziness of our route and following me on this wild ride.

A Family that throws Together……

Yesterday morning I had the pleasure of meeting a young man that is just starting to deliver newspapers. I had seen him and his wife in a couple of days ago folding the papers together. Yesterday as I was walking out to put my papers in the car he told me I liked my t-shirt. Well yesterday morning I was wearing my Placerita Baptist 2006 Jr./Sr. High School Summer Camp t-shirt. On the back it has a bible verse. Before you say “Wow! That is so cool! He uses his t-shirts to open evangelical conversations with people”, know that I just grabbed the next t-shirt in my drawer which divinely happened to be my summer camp shirt. Well in talking to this young man I find out that he is a believer and attends Rocky Peak Church in the San Fernando Valley. After a little chit chat we say “have fun on your route” to each other and I was on my way. Now remember from yesterday’s post that this is when Kevin and I locked ourselves out of the car. Well we go back into the warehouse to call AAA because where were our cell phones? In the car! So, we decided to ask our new Christian friend if he had a cell phone and sure enough he did. He said that his wife had it and she was in the car. So we fallowed him to the car where we found to my amazement she was there with their 6 year old daughter. No Way!! I thought it was bad enough that Suzi and I delivered together, but this was truly amazing. Come to find out that she wants to help him with the route and since they don’t have anyone to watch their daughter she has to come too (from what I hear this 6 year old throws a mean paper too). Now that’s commitment! So in light of this I had an epiphany last night. Are you ready for this? Tomorrow when I go out it won’t be just Suzi and I. It will be Corrine, Caleb, Coby and the two of us. That will be so cool and then we won’t be overshadowed by these show offs and their 6 year old. Now the boys may come along just to humor me (besides they don’t care if they sleep in the car or in their beds), but Corrine…… let’s just say Wow! After I got the sob story about her 2 AP classes and all the homework she has it would be “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! You’re not funny!” Well I guess I won’t do that (sorry for bringing it up, hun) and thusly avert any dissension in my household. So I will just have to tip my hat to this couple for be honoring to God in their finances and feeling the burden of paying off their debts at all cost, even sleep, their daughters that is.

Be Careful what you Pray For...

Knowing that 2 Peter 3:9 speaks of God being patient with us and in my case that is a good reminder due to strong will. Believe me I am very thankful for His patience with me. So knowing that everyday I pray for patience in my family life and in my dealings with people in the work place. Well I am a firm believer in “Be careful what you pray for because that is where the Lord is going to allow you to be tested.” The past two days proved that out. Yesterday’s paper was big (normal Sunday newspaper) and we had to bag it in a special promotional bag. Well the bag was very slick and caused my patience to be tested in more than one way. The first way that this bag tested my patience was when I went to stack the papers in the cart I load them into after I fold the paper. As I was stacking them the paper would spill out from the bottom almost like a landslide of newspapers. The more I tried to stack them the more I just made a mess. So I decided to watch the experts to see how they did it. There are these little Mexican ladies that are just paper folding machines. I swear they are not human. Anyways, on this Sunday these ladies were having no problem at all and all I can say is I looked liked a retard (must be the part of my genetics that is polish. By the way for those of you who don’t know I am a bean-pole. Half Mexican, half polish). So after 5 minutes of studying the art of slick paper wrapping and stacking I had down and I was off. So now let’s zoom ahead to the route. Suzi and I are out and attempting, I will say once again attempting to throw these slick bags. First the newspaper would come out of the bag and next it would slip out of your hands. At one point I asked Suzi if we needed to pull over and pray, do to us both being so frustrated. All I could think of is “What a way to prepare my heart for worship on a Sunday”. So here come’s an even more funny part. We start throwing the papers in different ways in an effort to keep the paper in the bag. We through them high in the air so that in would fall like a rock, that just made a loud “thud” and when I say loud I mean loud. Then there was the slide and all this did is spread the paper out evenly across the driveway as it cam out of the bag. Then there was the problem of throwing the paper for distance when needed. I think Suzi’s biceps grew 3 inches that morning trying to throw the paper through the menagerie of cars. We realized about a third of the way through the route that all we could do is laugh and that’s what we did. So now we just looked like a couple of loonies that escaped from Camarillo State Hospital for the Mentally Challenged, but it made it much more enjoyable. Then this morning I go to deliver papers with Kevin, the Stuntman, and while at the warehouse one of us hits the auto-lock on the car while the keys are in the car. Well that’s not good! So Kevin and I both close our doors and go back into the warehouse to clean up our stations. When we get back out to the car we find out that we locked the car doors. So we call AAA, end of story right? Wrong! Kevin and I both left the house without our wallets; coincidentally that’s where my AAA card and Drivers License are. So now the tow truck is on the way and we both don’t have identification. Well when the tow truck arrives and the driver asks for identification Kevin proceeds to tell him our dilemma and shows him the registration and insurance for the vehicle. Fortunately he bought our story and we were on our way, 20 minutes late. Nice! I can tell you honestly that if wasn’t for the Lord granting me patience the past two days I would have lost it. So remember when you are battling a slippery newspaper bag or you lock the keys in the car, Be Patient! How come I feel like singing that “Be Patient” song from that Music Machine album?

The Better Part of Wisdom

Proverbs 1:4 says that wisdom gives “To the young man knowledge and discretion”. Well last night my own wisdom did not give me either knowledge or discretion. Last night I went to the Dodger game with my brother-in-law. Now for all you “newbies” to this post I deliver papers at 2:45 am and then proceed, without a nap in between, to go to my day job and work until 6:00 pm and take the train and get home at 7:20 pm. So, in light of that I stayed out until 11:30 pm watching the hapless Dodgers lose to the inept Pirates for the second straight day in a row. So why did I stay so long at the game? Well the Dodgers, like my beloved UCLA Bruin football team of last year, waited until the 8^th and 9^th inning to show up. Well so that was the unwise part of my day, the wise part of my day was that I drank 3 cups of coffee this morning. Now let me explain something to you. I love coffee, but not just any coffee, I am a coffee snob. I must have good coffee, well that was until this paper route. Now I haven’t digressed to Folgers yet, boy our God is merciful, but I have started drinking our office coffee which isn’t much better than Folgers. It’s all about the caffeine you see. At this point taste is sacrificed for the jolt my body needs to get through the day. Someday I can see that coffee just won’t do the trick, I’ll have to turn to Red Bull’s or another form of legal stimulant. I hope that this doesn’t turn into an addiction. It would be bad to be sitting out in front of Peets looking like a bum and saying “Come on mister just a $1.80 for a cup of coffee, just some spare change for a man in need” or standing in front of the market saying “Hey mister, can you buy me a Red Bull? I need my daily fix.” So would it be wise to steer clear of caffeinated drinks? Would it be wise to have no stimulants in my body? I know what I’ll do, I’ll just make wise decisions and hold to one cup of coffee. Yep that’s what I’ll do.

P.S. Don’t tell Suzi that I’m drinking the office coffee. She’s a bigger coffee snob than me and she won’t let me live it down if you do.

It’ Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

No, No So. Cal. did not have a drastic change in weather over the past 24 hours. No it’s not snowing, nor is the temperature even approaching 30 to 40 degrees. It’s just that this past week the guys and girls in the warehouse were talking with great joy about the upcoming holidays and the benefits of being a paperboy. One person talked about the gas cards he received and another received a gift card to Wal-Mart. I guess it pays to make sure the newspaper does not fall in their planter or under their car. Well this got me to thinking, what if I were to send out a Christmas list along with the newspaper on Thanksgiving. I would write something like this:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am your early rising, hard working and ever mindful of you being asleep paperboy. I know that the last 4 months have been great and that due to the excellent service that my wife and I deliver to you day in and day out, regardless of the personal hardships that we might have to go through, you would like to get us a little something to show your gratitude. The following are places that my wife and I would like gift cards to:

Ruth Chris Steakhouse
Outback Steakhouse
Stuart Andersons
Best Buy
Sharper Image
…and any other electronic store that is in the SCV

With this outward expression of your generosity we will continue to deliver your paper high in your driveway and out of the path of your sprinklers.

Sincerely,

Your paperboy and his wife

I believe that this would eliminate any unwanted gifts like Hickory Farms and such. So if any of you out there receive the newspaper, don’t forget you paperboy at Christmas time.

I’m Married to Tommy John

When I was a kid my grandfather and grandmother would take my brothers and I to Dodger games. This was during the era of Steve Garvey, Ron Cey and Davey Lopes. One pitcher I would often imitate as a kid came from that team, his name was Tommy John. This guy could throw the ball fast, slow, inside and outside. He had a curve ball, a fastball and a change up. Well by now you probably are wondering why in the wide world of sports I am talking about baseball and not the adventures of Tom and Suzi out on the route. Well here is the reason why. Suzi, when we first started had some issues throwing the paper. It was, how do I hold it? What is the best way to throw it? And lastly how much power should I use when throwing it? Well that isn’t really the issue today. Today’s issue is much like the issues Tommy John would have had in any given game. Do I throw the curve; do I throw the fastball or the slider? Some of you out there that don’t know the art of throwing newspapers might be thinking, “Why would you need to throw the paper any other way other than straight and hard?” Well for reading enjoyment I will take you through a day on the “ski” paper route and tell you about each situation that requires a different type of throw. First there is the driveway that is blocked by a car bigger than Lisa’s Accord or my Saturn. Here you use the floater. You just throw the paper up in the air with about medium strength and there you go, on the driveway. Suzi doesn’t like this one much because it lacks control and could wind up in the bushes or even worse in the wet part of the driveway. Then there is the curve. Suzi loves using this one. We have one house where it is her challenge to get the paper on the porch without getting out of the car. Well sometimes we have car issues or trash container issues. No problem for Suzi she just pulls out the curve and what do you know it’s on the porch. This pitch usually comes with excessive celebration and if we were talking football I would say that we would get a 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty for this. Lastly there is the slider. This usually comes into play when I am being Mario Andretti and racing down the street. Suzi just throws the paper more at the ground, thus making the paper’s momentum slow down by its sliding on the concrete. This is not one of her favorites either due to the circumstance in which she has to use this throw (by the way this throw is usually followed with a long drawn out T-h-o-m-a-s).Needless to say there are also times when we have the wild pitch. Just like any good pitcher Suzi has a few that just get away from her. One would be when she goes to throw her fast ball and she hits the window frame of the car. This usually causes less accuracy and a throw with really no power what so ever. We may even have to use a “do over” on this one. Then there are the times when she is uncertain of the throw placement and she hangs onto the paper to long and it hits me instead of the driveway. It is needless to say where my Cy Young vote for outstanding paper thrower goes. It goes to my wife, who has just given up 1 complaint in 6 weeks of throwing. I believe there is a record out there somewhere keeping track of paperboy statistics. When I find the record book I will let you know where Suzi “Tommy John” falls.

You’re Grounded!!!

It is amazing how our bodies work. Our God is truly amazing in this regard. Some people can eat a ton and gain nothing and then you have me, I eat small portions and I have to run 5 miles just to keep from looking like Louie in “Remember the Titans”. God also made people that have brains that just retain everything they hear and that helps them in the areas of Aerospace Engineering and Nuclear Physics. Then there is me, my brain functions just well enough to keep me employed and out of trouble with my wife. We also can look at how the body reacts to sleep deprivation and how certain people get grumpy and yet others are able to function normally. Well this week sleep deprivation hit my wife and I. My wife would be the one that suffers from the symptom that is synonymous with a dwarf in Snow White. I tend to blow right through these things, although I will be looking to take a day off of my “day job” due my body running down (by the way it helps some that I am at work for 12 hours a day, for you see that’s 12 hours my mouth can’t get me in trouble with my wife). So I’m going to give you a peak into the “Ski” household to show you what happened this week. On Thursday morning I get up at my normal time, 2:45 am, to go fold papers thinking that this is a normal day. Well I get done folding the papers and go home to greet my normally cheerful and wide awake wife (that part would be stretching the truth a little. Suzi normally doesn’t wake up until about the middle of the route). Well this fine morning I get home to find no coffee, problem number one (major issue here), no lights on, problem number two, and she was still in bed, problem number three. So me being the kind, loving, highly compassionate, ever giving and humble husband ask here if she would like to sleep in. O.K. let’s timeout for a minute. This is where some husbands would say, “Tom are you insane? You know the answer to that question before you even ask it.” Well that’s how my feeble brain works at 3:30 am. So, she says “yes” (you really didn’t think she would say “no” did you?) and I go on my merry way delivering solo. Now let’s fast forward to Thursday night. I get off the Metrolink and we head to Sam’s Club for gas ($2.81/gal., what a bargain!) and she starts in with some questions that would beg unwise answers from me. For example (this isn’t the real question she asked as much as it is a type of question women ask that gets guys in trouble) “How does this dress make me look?” You see there really is no right answer to this question. If I say “It makes you look like the queen I think you are” she comes back with “Tom, be serious”. If I stutter, then I get “Thomas Patrick what is it?” If I don’t say the dress looks poorly on her, when that is the truth, I will normally have to pick myself up off the floor (just kidding my wife isn’t that violent. It’s more like I’m swallowing teeth. She is Italian you know. Seen the Godfather? Enough said.) So she asks one of those types of questions and after my lack of responding she tells me that I’m grumpy. Well my response in my best 9 year old voice was “No, you’re grumpy”. To her response was “No you’re grumpy”. Then I said, now remember my brain is pretty slow these days, “Well maybe you need to be grounded from the paper route tomorrow so that you can get over this tired feeling that is making you grumpy”. Smart Tom, Smart! Her response was “alright” without a second’s hesitation. So once again this morning I delivered alone. I can’t believe I feel for it. Grounding her, what was I thinking? That’s like grounding my son’s to playing Xbox all day. So, if you happen to remember pray for my thinking ability so that I make more wise decisions in regards to my fellow delivery person. You know what the worst part is, I missed having her. I missed having her because without her it’s hard to write these blogs. It’s the dynamic duo of Suzi and me that make up these funny stories. Suzi puts the fun in the word funny for me. Love ya babe! Hope to see you back soon!

Choose Your Career Path Wisely

When I started delivering papers I took this on as a second job. Now that I am doing it, I don’t think that this could ever be a career for me. Well that’s me and not some of the others that deliver to the Santa Clarita Valley. There is one guy that loves delivering papers so much that his license plate says “Paperboy1” on it. Now it may just be me, but that takes some commitment to the job. I would rank that with tattooing your girlfriends name on you arm, before knowing if you were going to marry her. I don’t know about you, but committing to “Mable” on my arm where everyone can see is either true commitment or a sheer lack of wisdom. So when you put that you are a paperboy on your car’s license plate for the world to see, man that’s commitment. Now you think this guy would know some type of paperboy etiquette (I know some of you are thinking “Paperboys have etiquette? I didn’t even know they knew how to spell it.”) or something, right? Well not this guy. I do believe that he thinks since everybody is asleep at 3:00 am that it’s ok to blast his rap music while delivering his papers. Now if I’m one of his customer’s or even if I just live next to one of his customers I do believe that MC “fill in the blank” on his car stereo would meet an ugly death. Now if that’s not bad enough, he also has monza tips on his car. Now if you do not know what these are then just think of a lowered Honda Civic or some other compact car that a kid would drive and think of that really loud sound that it makes. This exhaust system is very loud and at 3:00 am it would serve as your alarm clock every time he sped up. It is knowing all this that helps me to understand why, maybe, he has chosen this as his desired career path. Hopefully at some point I might be able to share my point of view with him. He probably won’t listen though. I mean if you were the professional delivery boy why would you listen to a novice temp like me. So just pray that I wouldn’t take my testimony and whack him over the head with it.

The Perils of Being a Paperboy

Now most of you might be thinking what kind of perilous situations can you get into at 3:30 am? Well just remember there is a whole culture that likes the dark, mainly party animals (not to be confused with the animals previously mentioned in this blog) that drink far to much and my fellow paperboys. On one Saturday morning on my way out to deliver there were these two real skeechy looking guys trying to flag me down. Now the upstanding Christian thing to do might have been to stop and see how I could help, but fearing for my beautiful brides’ life (and mine too!) I just went right on by. Now I know, I know, what kind of Christian are you? One that believes in not testing the Lord. There was also the time I was pulled over by a sheriff that thought I was pulling out of the Ford dealership instead of the Signal (the paper I deliver) warehouse. He came up to the window and just as he flashed his light into the backseat of the car he said “ Sir, can you explain to me why………oh, you’re a paperboy?” So we both chuckled as he realized that I was just doing my job. Another would be delivering papers to a guy that has three dentist chairs in his front yard. No joke, one of the people on our routes had three dentist chairs in his front yard. Suzi was trying to figure out what forms of torture he would perform while I insisted that they were set out on the curb for anyone that wanted a dentist chair in their living room could take one. One last one would be the when there are three paperboys all on the same cul-de-sac at the same time. It wouldn’t be so bad if we all weren’t trying to impress each other with our great paper throwing ability at high speeds. Now when this happens I just try to impress my wife by saying “Honey, I’m just going to pull over while these guys try not to kill themselves.” As I say this, my mind is saying “Come on! Get in the mix! You can do it better than them!” Thank goodness I have my wife with me; she keeps me from looking like an idiot. So if you think about it tonight pray for our safety and the safety of every other tired paperboy out there that is trying to set the land speed record while throwing the newspaper.

A Paperboy’s Pet Peeves

When I started delivering the newspaper a little over 5 weeks ago I would never have thought that Suzi and I would develop some type intolerance towards the customers we have and the different things they do. I mean how bad could it be, right? Well let’s take a look at an average morning with Tom and Suzi now, 5 weeks later. One of my pet peeves when I am folding the paper is when the plastic bag is full of static and it sticks together. This prevents me from being the new world record holder in the newspaper bagging arena, very annoying! The next would be the person who sets their alarm for 3:30 am and ignores it. Man I couldn’t imagine being their neighbor! Another one would be the way people park. For example people will park 4 cars in their driveway, thusly blocking any piece of concrete for the newspaper to land on. The nerve of these people, utilizing their whole driveway! The one that kills me is when a person parks at the end of a cul-de-sac nose into the curb so that I can’t swing all the way around the cul-de-sac. This normally happens at two houses on our route. The one guy that really kills me doesn’t even park his car in the driveway, he just blocks the street. How inconsiderate! Why doesn’t anyone think of the paperboy? Well enough ranting and raving. Please pray for patience for Suzi and I as we navigate the highways and byways of Santa Clarita at 3:30 am. What kind of testimony would we have if we exhibited road rage this early in the morning? So if you’re reading this and you get the newspaper, please think of your paperboy and his mental well being.

My day with a Stunt Man

Every now and then Suzi gets to sleep in and take a day off from the paper route. On those days, to my pleasant surprise we have had some young men who asked if they could join me. Yes folks I have a 2:15 am ministry to these young guys. They also minister to me by keeping me awake through conversation and the fun we have in delivering the paper. Well one of our friends Kevin is a stunt man and I have had the pleasure of his company twice now. Both times he has given me great enjoyment in his company. Well on both adventures he has done something that reminds me that he is a stunt man. (By the way have I mentioned that Kevin is a Stunt man?). Any ways back to the story. A week ago he went out with me and when we got to a house that needed it on the porch he got out and put it on the porch. Now I know it doesn’t sound really spectacular does it, well that’s because this part isn’t the amazing part, the next part is. When he went to get back in the car he did this thing over the roof of the Accord. I really don’t know how to describe it, because while I’m still just trying to wake up he’s doing these flip like things over the car. I guess the normal throwing of the paper was just a little to boring for him. He also kept telling me to go faster. So now let’s zoom ahead to this morning. Kevin and I are out and he does another thing. First he pegged the mirror with the newspaper. Now when Suzi hits the mirror it’s pretty tame and usually falls in the driveway, but when Kevin hit’s the mirror it moves the mirror and it falls in the street. So now that I’m looking at the rear tire he says back up and we’ll swoop in on it. So just to entertain him I do it. Now when I go forward he has the door wide open and grabs the paper and then throws it to the house that the paper was originally intended to go to. So now that I’m feeling like a stunt man second class I start to speed up. Needless to say I’m going down these residential streets at about 35-40 mph. So do you know what he says? He says “Go faster”. So I went a little faster and we wound up finishing the course, I mean route, in record time. Man that was stressful! The next time we go out I’m afraid that Kevin will want to drive and we will be sliding down the streets sideways or that while I’m driving he’ll want to stand on the roof and throw the paper. So please pray for my nerves and Kevin’s safety, because no matter how much I try to convince myself, I’m not a stunt man second class or third class for that matter.

My Wife the Naturalist

When I mention the Santa Clarita Valley most people would not think of the extensive wildlife we have. Some might think that if there were wildlife in the valley it would be up in the canyons like Bouquet, Sand or Placerita even. Well while most of the valley sleeps the animals our out in full force.
When my wife and I first started delivering the paper this was quite cool or as the Ardo twins would say “it’s sick”. We would see rabbits, raccoons, bats, hawks and an occasional coyote. It was like delivering newspapers in the old Lion Country Safari theme park. Well lets fast forward to today and the uniqueness of seeing the animals has worn off. Now the rabbits more seem like a target for me, Mario Andretti newspaper delivery guy. Now the rabbits seem to run everywhere except out of my way. When we first started the route all you would hear from our car is “how cute” and “Wow! Tom look at that!” Now all you hear is “Thomas your doing that on purpose”, referring to the fact that the rabbits are running into the cars path of travel. You will also hear something to the affect of “Thomas Patrick (my full formal name, once again not a good thing)your driving crazy” in reference to the fact that I am trying to avoid the rabbits. So knowing this you can only imagine how Suzi reacted to a hawk catching and eating a rabbit. She was really depressed from the fact that she could hear the rabbit dying. All she kept saying was “Stupid hawk, Stupid hawk”. All I could think of right then was Elton John singing Circle of Life from Lion King. I know, I know, way to go bonehead, way to show compassion in this difficult time for your wife. Well pray for me so that I won’t kill ant rabbits. I have a feeling that not only Suzi would be mad at me, but Lisa and Kevin might be a little upset at all the rabbit guts on the car.

Delivering Papers to the Glory of God?

As a Christian we are taught that we are to do all things to the glory of God (1 Cor.10:31). I live my life by this verse and you could probably say that it's my key verse when it comes to my job and ministry. So now as a paperboy how does "throwing newspapers to the glory of God" work? Well here's how I view it, I should give each customer more than what they expect from my delivering the paper. Here are some examples of what I mean: I shouldn't knowingly throw the newspaper in the wet grass and for that matter if the sprinklers are on I shouldn't throw it in the are getting wet either. I shouldn't throw the paper under someone's car. I should humbly accept that some people are very picky about where their paper goes (i.e. porch, high in the driveway or on the slope of the driveway). That is the goal.

Now here are some real life cases of reality. One time being a little bitter about having to stop the car and get out to put the newspaper high in someone's driveway I threw the paper a little to hard into a metal garage door. Well needless to say that person really didn't need a 4:30 am alarm clock I did the job for him. Another would be the time I threw the paper, and as if at that moment a gust of wind came up, my paper flew straight up in the air and fell right on the grass, the newly watered, very wet grass. So I have to now stop, go back and pick up the paper and manually move it to a nice dry spot on the driveway. Another bad one would be when my wife trying to hit a driveway by throwing the paper over the hood of our car landed it right on the hood of our car. Now there is no way that person will ever get his paper unless I get out and take it off the car. One last one would be when my wife and I were first starting the route we couldn't tell what addresses went to what houses, so to be on the safe side we would hit the three houses we though it could be. See this way two people who don't subscribe to the paper get a pleasant surprise and our customer is happy because he got his paper.

So as you can see being a Christian paperboy can create a lot of stop and go delivering if you are like me. Someday I hope to master my route and hit every driveway perfectly. Well maybe in heaven.....do we deliver the newspaper in heaven?

Delivering in Style

For the past few days Suzi and I have had the privilege of using our house guests (Lisa) car to deliver the paper. We started out using our Saturn, a manual transmission, and after talking to her fiancee (Kevin) for a while he asked us if we would like to use Lisa's car because it was an automatic transmission. Now I don't know if my whining clued him in to my general dislike of delivering in a stick or if it was that my calf on my clutch leg was looking abnormally larger than the calf on my other leg. When it was all said and done we agreed to use Lisa's car. Now this is a sweet ride. It has leather interior and the seats are super comfortable, not really a good thing when your tired to begin with. It is a fully loaded Accord, perfectly sized for a couple hundred newspapers and my wife and I. Now this is pretty plush compared to some of the cars we have seen other paperboys drive. Suzi and I have seen some cars that would make you question the stability and safety of the vehicle being driven. Sounds great right? Well I thought so until one morning while I was in folding papers this young lady comes in driving a BMW. Now I don't mean a 1980's beater BMW, I mean a 2005 or 2006 535i type BMW. So I think to myself she must be one of the "honchos". Wrong! She gets her papers and starts folding them and puts them into her car. Now there is a change, a yuppie from the Santa Clarita Valley driving her pristine luxury car to do some work that us Saturn driving people do. Now if that weren't enough she also comes in wearing Ralph Lauren sweats and already has her make-up on. We must pause here for a moment so that I can remind you of the time. IT'S 2:45 AM, YOU KNOW IN THE MORNING! This young lady comes in like she is heading downtown as an attorney or something. Amazing!

So needless to say I feel like I have inferior equipment to do my job, (Lisa I really don't, this part is all made up. Suzi and I love the car.) therefore maybe, just maybe my in-laws will let me barrow their convertible Lexus to deliver the paper. Do you think that will happen? Yeah I don't either, but once again here's to hoping.

Ready, Aim, Fire!!

As my wife and I were going through our route one day I was feeling a little cocky and felt like I was getting to the big time. I felt I had most of my route memorized. Just then God decided to show me that I am not the Paperboy of the month. So, I started to pick up some speed and required my wife to pick up the tempo in her throwing. O.K. now, here we pause for a minute to make a point. When I deliver papers with my wife it is all about accuracy and making sure that the right people get the paper. The few times I have gone out with guy friends of mine it'’s all about time (how fast can we go and how fast can we get done). It'’s amazing how fast you can go down a residential street at 4 am, but I digress. Back to the story, I am feeling good about myself and then I sped right by one of our houses and as I do my expert paper throwing wife tries to hit the driveway. As she is doing this she is saying my name in it'’s formal tense (Thomas!!!), which by the way is never a good thing.

I realized two things at this moment. First my wife is an excellent multi-tasker. She had the ability to throw that paper accurately and chastise me at the same time. Secondly, I wasn'’t ready for the big leagues yet. I am not yet ready to compete on NASCAR'’s paper route circuit. It was back to 5 miles per hour and making sure that I truly memorize my route. I guess the Los Angeles Times will have to wait.

At the same time my wife prides herself on trying to get our paper on top of the competitor'’s paper. So it makes laugh the hardest in the morning when she throws the paper from inside the car and hits the window frame on the car or just pegs the passenger side mirror. I truly try not to laugh, but when you are up this early sometimes you can'’t stop yourself, in fact in my case I can'’t ever stop myself.

Well maybe we'’ll get better as time goes.......more than likely not, but here'’s to hoping.

My Time as a Dispenser of Information a.k.a. a Paperboy

A month ago my wife and I decided that we needed some additional income. Now I am not unemployed, I have a job that requires 40-50 hours a week from me. My wife by no means is sitting at home doing nothing either. She is a mother of 3 children and runs a very efficient household, bus service and she coordinates our family’s weekly events. Our job as “paper-people” is for a time and we thought we would share our time with you.

My day starts at 2:45 am and ends at 10 pm. At 2:45 am I leave our apartment and go fold papers. At 3:30 am I come home and pick up my wife. From 3:30 am to 5:15 am we are out and about in our valley delivering the local newspaper. When we get home neither my wife nor I go back to bed. I get ready for work and she gets the kids ready for school. As our day proceeds, my wife will try to take a nap every now and then and I attempt to make it through the day until our eldest son goes to bed.

This blog will be about our early morning adventures. They are truly funny, at least to us (probably because we are tired) and I hope you enjoy the diary as we move through the upcoming year.