Trick or Treat?

When I was a kid I remember going trick or treating with my brothers every year. I remember it being a time in which I walked through my neighborhood seeing people my family knew and going to the doors of people we would truly call neighbors. My costume was usually that of a super hero or when my parents really couldn’t afford costumes we were ghosts (a simple bed sheet goes a long way). Some of you right now are wondering what in the Wide World of Sports does this have to do with the paper route. Well in speeding around the SCV the past few mornings I’ve been able to see where Halloween has gone from those days of innocence. I want to add a caveat before I start though. My family chose’s not to participate in Halloween. We in no way condemn those who chose to do so, but we feel, as a family, it’s not something we need to participate in. So with that said, in my best Jackie Gleason voice, “and away we go!”

WARNINING! WARNING! TOM’S PERSONAL OPINION COMING! WARNING!

The past few days I have seen some of the most macabre things in the front of people’s houses. On the mild side, I’ve seen cemeteries in people’s front yards with hands reaching out of the ground. I’ve seen scary jack-o-lanterns, cute and funny jack-o-lanterns and even a 3’ tall Snoopy dressed up in his Halloween outfit trick or treating. The Snoopy stuff is funny and I really have no problem with that stuff because it harkens back to those innocent days of my childhood. It’s the blood splattered windows with decapitated heads that get me. The person that probably has this in their front window is probably the same person who faints at the sight of his own blood. The people that decorate their house with dead bodies, blood, scary life like mannequins and such are probably the same people that when they read the article about the serial killer in their morning paper more than likely curse society as being wretched. Tell me something why is acceptable one day out of the year to praise the sick side of our society? Why in the wake of several school shootings do we feel the need to praise decapitation and murder? I just don’t get it. The way I see it Halloween has almost reached the decorating achievements of Christmas. I see people with orange and purple lights all over their houses. I’ve seen strobe affect lights in people’s front yards. I have even seen a 6’ tall life like witch in one person’s front yard. The first time I saw this one it kind of freaked me out, because it is on a street that isn’t that well lit. The first thing you see as you come down the street is this 6’ tall shadow over a caldron. Nothing is scarier at 3:00 am than a 6’ shadow as your driving down the street. Well I’ll get off my soap box now.

On a funny, scary note, (I know, I know, after all that I’m going to say something funny scary?) I was delivering papers the other morning, like I’d be doing something else at 3:00 am, and one of my fabulous customers was out smoking a cigarette. So, I thought I would be nice and hand deliver the paper to her. Remember the word “her”. Also remember its 3:00 am and I have a beanie cap on and am sporting my best homeless look. As I get out of the car to hand her the paper she, no joking, turns and runs into the house. As she runs in I can hear her shaking hand locking the dead bolt and the other locks she had. Just what I wanted to do, scare one of my customers to near death at 3:00 am. I felt like yelling “Sorry! Just the paperboy here!”, but I think that I would have done that the neighbors would have had a lynching. So the rest of my route I was worried that at some point the sheriffs would come get me for scaring her or even worse she would complain to my employer. I told Suzi later that I was afraid that I would be calling her at 5:00 am to come bail me out of jail. Wow! Was that a scary moment. Hopefully that will never happen again.