It Finally Happened

Well for as long as I have been writing this blog I have been talking about the kamikaze rabbits that are on my route. Well this morning I believe I maimed one. The reason I say I maimed one instead of hitting one is because after I had circled around I did not see him. What happened was, I was driving down this one long stretch of driveway before I get to some condominiums and the stinkin’ rabbit ran under the car. Now this is a dangerous path for me and I have always though that if I was going to hit one it would be in this stretch of my route. Well as he, she, it ….. whatever, went under the car all I heard was, THUD! As I drove away I tried to look in the rear view mirror to see if there were rabbit guts all over the driveway, but it was much to dark to see anything. Now, the condominium complex I deliver to is a loop and I go out this same driveway to get back out to the street, so I figured I would look on my way out. Well on my way out there was no hint that I hit anything. As I drove my route I was trying to figure out what could have happened. I mean when the rabbit went under the car it was a pretty big, THUD!

So here are some explanations, I thought of, for what could have happened:

1) His, her, it’s …..whatever’s friends went out into the street and carried it back into the bushes. While in the bushes the medic rabbit attended to the one wounded in its kamikaze efforts.

2) The rabbit in question hit its head on the under belly of the car and gave itself a serious headache. This could be classified as a concussion, he may want to get it looked at.

3) The rabbit in question, being unsuccessful in its attempt to kamikaze itself into the car, went off into the bushes and committed Hari Kari to save face.

4) Lastly, I believe he was an instrument of the Lord to wake me up. Now normally I would say this jokingly, but this time due to the loud THUD! And the smell of burnt fur, hair, fuzz…..whatever, I stayed awake the rest of the way. Man I hope the smell goes away before Lisa drives the car again.

So, I still haven’t killed a rabbit, but I guess you could say that I used one as a speed bump. With Suzi’s love of animals I do believe I can still sleep in our bed tonight. Besides it was the rabbits fault.

A Few New Years Resolutions

This past year has been very interesting for me, especially the past 3-4 months. I would have never thought that I would have made it this long delivering papers at 3:00 am and then working a full shift at my day job. The Lord has greatly blessed me with the strength and stamina to take this challenge on. Along the way I have learned a few things that have inspired me to post the following resolutions. NOTE: These in no way are anything like Jonathon Edwards Resolutions and should not be mistaken for them. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

1) Resolved – I am not a funny person without Suzi. I don’t know what it is, chalk it up to my ability to not do anything funny on the route or the fact that I am by myself and that I don’t recognize when I am being a knucklehead. So as a resolution I will try to get Suzi back out on the route a few more times. This will be a big challenge.

2) Resolved – I will not take on more than one route. Over the past week I helped out one of my fellow couriers by subbing in on his route. I normally deliver around 300 + papers on my own, but with his I was delivering well over 600 papers in the morning. When I delivered on Sunday I basically was handing his customers the paper. This was due to the fact that after I delivered my route and got into his route, his customers were waking up. So as a resolution I will deliver only my route for the remaining months I have doing this.

3) Resolved – When it comes to delivering papers on holiday’s such as the day after Thanksgiving and New Years I will paint my car black and white and see if I can get a red flashing light and siren. I figure the only way I am not going to get killed on those days would be to pose as a cop. Hey I have an even better idea, maybe Pecadillo will let me barrow his squad car one morning to deliver papers. Man that would be better than delivering the paper in my mother-in-laws convertible Lexus. So as a resolution I will avoid psycho women on their way to sales at insane hours in the morning and I will avoid drunks, who insist that haven’t drank anything while holding a bottle of some alcoholic beverage in their hand.

4) Resolved – To stay warm. Now if you live outside of So. Cal. I realize that 30 degrees is no big deal, but when you are racing up and down the residential streets and its 30……. Sometimes when I get home I feel like my eyebrows and my beard have icicles on them. Sometimes I get home and my hands, even though they are in gloves, are frozen. I don’t know what it is, but I rarely use the car heater. Maybe because I always grew up with my dad saying, “Are you trying to heat up the whole block? Close the door!” when I would have the house door open and the house heater on. I guess it’s the same concept. I feel like I am heating my whole route. So as a resolution I will turn on the car heater.

5) Resolved – Lastly, I pray that I would write at least once a week on this blog. This one we’ll have to see. This could become more challenging as I become more tired. So here’s to hoping.

I hope and pray that all of you out there in the blog-o-sphere will have a good year in 2007. I pray that through my pain and sleep deprivation I would bring a little humor into your life.